THIS IS HEAVEN

mengigau nk dengar lagu nie plak..hahahaha morning!!! ^___^

Hi there Mr.Stalker (haha just in case if read this)
I found this...and everything written there is what in my heart...even though we no longer together just want u to know that u are the best thing i ever had...even though its not constantly happy everyday but i am really happy to be with u for this 3 and the half years. It such unforgettable moments in my life since i never had a long relationship like this before, and yes i missed u so much. Cause u the one that really make me laugh everyday..make me crazy with all stupid jokes and love me..cry..watch video..counting stars...dreamsss...buys CDs...eat eat eat..movies.....OMG i really missed all that...and i can't find one like u (for now!) hmmm :'( and i cry again tonight.
I refuse to think about all the bad things cause i won't burden my mind...all i do is missing all the sweet things we do...all the crazy things we did...

Dear Mr.Stalker,
Thanks for everything...i wish u the best in life...maybe i will not here in Sols after this..in case we could not see each other again..i just want u to know...what ever happen between us is a great moments for me...i already forgive all the messed and shit happen between us...i won't regret a thing...i am trying my hardest to delete all this but my mind want to keep it for a moment...and i will let it be there....

Dear Mr.Stalker,
I wish u the best in your new relationship.Hope she can be your last, less arguing, less fighting, less "maki" ing...more respect..more love and more matured...Alhamdulillah finally u get what u want...at least she is beautiful then me right? that what u really want kan? huhu...
Hmm thats all for tonight....just feeling empty & sad inside...and your face come across inside of my mind..lol i hate u!

hi blog trsayang..haha now u not my loyal privacy page again...huhu nothing to write much...just an awkward feeling...and i feel empty even though im happy..huhu nothing maybe the feeling of "non-belonging" is there...i'm no longer ur muse, i'm no longer ur cook...or something like that...and i don't think i will repeat anything again...cause i know u not mine now..hmm yeah i do love u..but like i said i can't find my way home...so sad...of cause i miss u a lot...but forget about me...yeah the sentence is right....kalau bukan di dunia mungkin jodoh kite di sana....InshaAllah...i hope u will always happy with ur new life and new gf Juhairi...thanks for tonight...a few minutes i thought we are still like we used to be but then...i feel so wrong...we are not...hmmm so sad but what to do?? :'(

Yeah Ambrose is my good friend's name..He is from UK...a business man aged 39 years old...after what had happened with me and juhairi..i was so scared to talk to others...i dont trust anyone here after all...so he came..he become my good friend...he talk too much..makes a much joke as he can....gave more advice and he does not the same like others...i dont y...i feel like so happy when i got the chance to talk to him...he is a funny guy..smart & intelligent..even i praise Allah cause gave me such a good friend...he accompany me everyday....after work i will wait for him in front of my laptop..

But then Yesterday...we were fighting..the thing is because of Juhairi...I told him that Juhairi message me for peace and he start talking rubbish and asked me to go back to Juhairi..He start told me that he does not believe in girls and said what is happening to me now is what happened to him so many many years back. And he scared. He said how close i am with him and how strong i tried to avoid Juhairi...at the last my story will gonna be the same....and he will lose me...and now he kept quite...he asked me to stop texting him...stop calling him...and i lost..

i missed him so much...and i cries so bad in this few days...dont know y....it is not because of love or what...but this is because of something i call friendship...and i dont know how to re-start my life to the same again with out him...cause he is the one who stop all my tears after what happened between me and Juhairi....he never stop makes me laughing everyday with his stupid jokes...never stop giving me advice...

Now my life changed again...and i feel so lost and tired..how i wish i could left this painful life just for a couple of hours and rest in peace...i felt so tired...my heart and my soul can take all this burdens...it kills me everyday...and the tears cant stop coming out.....i am sooooo tired....

Ya Allah maafkan aku kerana menangisi untuk perkara yang xperlu nie Ya Allah...tp aku xkuat....aku rasa sedih sangat...ujian apakah ini Ya Allah..Kau ragut satu persatu kegembiraan ku...Kau gantikan dengan air mata yg sangat banyak setiap malam...Ya Allah aku penat....bantu lah aku Ya Allah...kirimkan la aku sebuah kegembiraan abadi...Seorang teman hidup yg menyayangi ku...serta Teman hidup yg sentiasa berada disampingku ketika susah dan senang...aminn ya rabbal alamin....Aku terima Ya Allah ujian mu ini..dan aku harap aku masih punya saki baki kekuatan utk menempuh hari2 esok...aminnn :'(

i found this interesting sentences " Tak bersatu di bumi yg fana. Ku damba dikau di syurga" 

words nie wat aku menangis..lol hmm sedih kot...menolak cinta yg manis..menidakkan perasaan cinta yg dalam...mbuang jauh ssuatu yg kite bina n cinta mmg sesuatu yg mnyedihkan...bohong kalau aku xnangis...hmmmm moga suatu hari nti kite diberi peluang mnyambung cinta kite di syurga...cinta yg tiada pnghujungnya...tiada sifat2 buruk...xde spoil....xde sedih...xde sakit....aku mau kau di sana utk ku....aku nk kau thu....aku rindu sgt smue tu.......rindu sgt nk jd mcm dulu..hmmm aku xbleh...hati meraung2 tp aku serik....hmmmm ape yg aku mampu lakukan menangis jer tiap2 malam...sampai hati aku penat...hmmm terima kasih utk segala memori manis....aku rindu kau sgt2 joe... :'( moga suatu hari nti aku jmpe dgn org mcm ko tp sayang kt aku...aminn~

Hi my dear blog...yesterday and today i got a message from Juhairi...he asked me for peace...yeah i'm quite surprised  but i'm happy at the same time...it's good for us to be separate in the good manners...masing2 dh besar n matang...semoga pesahabatan antara kami kekal selamanya..and hope aku bleh attend wedding die one day...he is a good friend..but mybe a bad bf...hahaha xsesuai dgn aku kot..ntah la..hmmm xplar....aku harap kami xjatuh cinta lg...aku xnk...cukup la ape yg jadi...cukup la 4 tahun tu....ckup la smue air mata....aku nk jd professional dgn die...dan aku harap die pon cmtu....tolong la...aku xnk kapel lg....aku tkot aku xdpt kawal diri...n aku pon tkot die xleh kawal diri jgak.....jangan la yer...aminnn.....cukup la kalau kmi bkawan baik...harap crita cinta nie tamat dgn baik..aminnn n alhamdulillah~ THE END :)

I love this song too much... :'(

I look strong in the surface but weak inside..who know i'm crying in the middle of the night...everyday..and tomorrow put as much make up to cover up my sad face...so people can't notice what is going on with me every night....to let go something u love most is ain't easy....it so hard...and really pain...letting someone we love go and deleting all memories is ain't easy..its like we try to play hide and seek with our own self..trying to fool our own mind...

nobody know when did i cry...cause the smile let people think that i am okay..but i don't. hmm but as times moved...i should wake up from this bad dream. i need to go from this place...oh God i need to go from this place...try the new life..and new place maybe could help me to erase all this memories..

Dear Allah, please help me to move on...amin~

last night i dream about u..no actually lately i see u in my dream...haha hmmm hari nie lamunan dtg lg...xthu tp aku ttbe tringat mcm2 bnde yg kmi penah buat bsama...how sweet tht time...and wht the things i let go for him...stay at rumah kedai...dgn pijat...xselesa..tp utk brsamanya aku ikutkn jer...hmm ttbe tringat how i pamper him..buang kupil2 kt kepala die...kelemumur die...kuping telinga...taik telinga...
potong kuku..msak utk die...bgduh...dating..lepak rooftop and talking about life together..about future...about anything...mcm mne hebatnye bgduh smpai maki2..pkul2...huhu all the things brmain2 dlm kepala..mcm tgok wayang! buka puasa....genting...shah alam...i-city..bola...gombak...mkn kt mamak n bayar pkai syiling...warung kak milah...mcm2..hmm ntah la...aku sedih sgt...tringat mak die pon wat aku rse sedih sgt...i tried so hard utk ambil hati all of his family...but then its nothing now....hmmm how i miss the time we spend together and grown up together...the day we filled with a laughter and smile...aku bahagia sgt...bgurau..bgaduh..that what us stronger..but now the anger put us down and separate us forever..

i wonder...how u can't see all this like how i see u...seeing u woke up in the morning and kiss ur forehead...cook for u...and seeing u eating..make ur favorite drink everyday..accompany u everytime u hungry...arguing and fight for anything.....i missed all that moment...we alive everyday...how come we ends up like this?

i wonder if u can find another girl tht could do the same to u like what i did....yeah..mybe its nothing for u..but nvermind...yeah its nothing now....its nothing~